I want to live like 'Happy People' or a realistic rant on how to become a 'Happier Person'

 So I have my happiness journal. I have my pack of zen tea. I mediate every morning while grasping my malachite stone while my salt lamp is a-lamping. So why the hell are negative things still popping into my brain? 

The majority of people who know me consider me to be to be a ‘Happy’ person. Especially since this whole eating differently, exercising, saying ‘yes’ instead of no to opportunities and basically having a mid-life crisis in my early thirties (Let’s call a spade a spade, yo). So I’ve noticed that when I talk to my friends about how I’m feeling they ask me: Are you happy all the time? Cue extreme pig-snort laughter…

There is a common misconception with happiness, especially with the ‘Healthy Living’ community on platforms like Instagram. Check out these pretty, pastel hued pictures and everyone looks like they are permanently living in a tampon advert (e.g. ‘Life is for living and I’m living it, even if I am bleeding for 3-7 days- woohoo!’). They seem to be perpetually Disneyland happy, living their seemingly perfect lives out in trendy cafes, deserted white sanded beaches and in bathrooms that have the best light for selfies the sun has ever thrown our way. Awesome YouTuber Cassie of Cloudy Apples did a great video about the selected self that people portray online. It’s all about branding, the likes and the like. Don’t ever assume that a selection of pictures paints an honest representation of that persons life- myself included. We all have our shit to shovel. 

Ask my boyfriend if I’m happy all the time and he'll inevitably do that cute but annoying smirk he does. This will be because he's seen me before I've taken that perfect Instagram picture of the dish that I've just been telling to 'fuck off' for the last hour while cooking it. He's heard me whinge about people or situations that have upset me, and he knows that sometimes I'm just a bitch. I am. I accept that. Thumbs up to my bitchy self. 

The idea of being happy all the time scares me. It immediately makes me think of alien invasions, forever increasing doses of prescription drugs and pupils the size of donut holes. It isn’t real. And thank goodness, because without the bad how would be ever appreciate the good? While I don't love feeling moody or miserable, when I do, I take a moment to remember that what I'm feeling is temporary. It's like whenever I'm sick, I take multiple moments to remind myself to pay more attention to how great it feels to feel well.  It’s about connecting to what you’re grateful for and remembering that what goes down will come up even if it’s only for a moment before it goes down again. Such is life.

I fully believe that happiness is an inside job, and one that you have cultivate continuously in order to reap the benefits. Happy people aren't all delusional fairy dust farters who are grinning the moment they bounce out of bed. They make an effort to find the joy in the everyday. But really make an effort, making it a part of their routine. I can vouch for the benefits of exercise in improving happiness (You can’t argue with science). And considering that it only takes 7 minutes to ‘get there’, I won’t hear a word about people not having time to move their bodies. I am also a pusher for expressing gratitude on a daily basis. I did this consistently for a few months before my routine changed and it got left by the wayside. Now in moments when I wake up and think ‘meh’, I remind myself to think about the things I am grateful for whether it be the porridge on my spoon, the fact that I have a job or that I could see when I opened my eyes (Okay, when I put my glasses on). It changes my outlook for the better even if it’s just a fraction. In that moment I can be happy because I can be grateful about what I have, instead of thinking about what I don’t have. 

Still, it doesn’t stop be from feeling sad, mad, frustrated, infuriated or just a little bit sorry for myself at times just like it doesn’t stop bad things from happening in my life. If someone I love gets hurt, I get upset. If I lose something through no fault but my own, I’m angry. I can feel rejected. I will still get negative thoughts even on the most perfect of days. I can feel a particular shade of shit. But I will always, always come back to what I am grateful for once I’ve processed everything that I’m feeling. 

That is what ‘Happy People’ do again and again and again. 

x KB 

How to manage the post-holiday blues- looking after your body and wellbeing

Doing my best to be the productive blogger-turned traveller, I’m writing this from an over air-conditioned lounge in Kuala Lumpar on the now fourth hour of my wait for my connecting flight to London. It’s my return journey, and I’m being faced with the same thing I and every other holidayer has as their journey comes to an end...my life now absolutely sucks.

Dramatic? Maybe. But I can’t recall a time where I, or anyone I know, has returned from a break from work, college or school without feeling a dash of resentment. 

The truth is, post holiday blues will and do happen. I remember a classic burst into tears mega-jetlag moment when I came back from Oz a few years ago when having my first shower off the plane and I realised that my drab British bathroom had no windows whereas my Australian bathroom looked out onto never ending beautiful bushland. I resigned myself to misery and looked at everything around me with a particular dark shade of ‘I hate everything here’. Being me, and being around me, was not fun. 

What I recognize now is that it’s entirely up to me to how long I let my post holiday grump drag my mood down; I’m the one in control. Accepting that we may feel disheartened after a break is realistic, you can’t just put the mask on an solider through it. It’s important to feel it, but there are steps you can take to make your transition to RL that much more bearable. So here is how I’m planning on avoiding getting stuck in the mindset that anywhere but here is better...

Rest. 

You need not only to catch up on the sleep you lost in travel, but also the possible emotional smack you had if you left relatives behind or, my personal fav, going from summer to winter in a matter of 24hrs. Be kind to yourself. Eat the right food, get the right Z’s and give your body and mind time to re-adjust. If you get back into your work routine exhausted, your emotions will be all over the place and that black dog of post holiday resentment will be going into overdrive. 

Gratitude.

Dancing on the beach at Byron Bay during a full moon.
Absolute gratitude every time I look at this photo!

Dude, you just had a holiday. A holiday that brought you new adventure, experiences and reasons to remember why our world is pretty darn amazing. Whether you visited Byron Bay or Blackpool, you had the means, the time and the ability to change your life up for a time. So many others aren’t so fortunate. So when you’re grumbling about it being -3 instead of 30 take a moment to reflect on this.

Reflection.

Get your holiday photos out and take time to reminisce. Maybe your experiences brought about a few small changes in your life, or maybe you find that your trip changed you for the better in more ways than first or ever thought. Writing your thoughts down, or the changes you feel, is a great way to hold onto the positive on why you went away in the first place.  

See people. 

I mean particular people. The ones who you will always leave feeling the same thing: that was such a positive, good use of my time- man, I love that person! It’s oh so tempting to hide away at home once you return from a trip dripping about on Facebook and going green at other peoples adventures. Instead, throw out a few texts and get some plans in the diary to fill your time with people that make you feel good. 

Plan.

Okay so that holiday is over. What’s the next one? It doesn’t hurt to fantasize about your next destination. I’ve been known to inhabit Kayak and Expedia daily after my return just to shift my post holiday grump. If you do book something, it gives you another thing to look forward to or a countdown to watch! If traveling isn’t on your agenda until the pennies turn to pounds, then start planning activities that you know will bring a smile to your face. Maybe invite some unpredictability into your life. Try something you’ve never tried before, cook something you’ve always been meaning to cook catch up with people you’ve been meaning to see for yonks. The point is to find the wonder in your ordinary so that we’re not always relying on our annual holiday to find our moments of gratitude and happiness. 

Pre-plan. 

Make sure homes your home. It might be a bit late for this, but I know that if I come home to a house that’s messy with laundry piled up, carpets that need vacuuming, and a room that looked like it threw up the contents of my suitcase three times I’m not going to feel great. Coming home to a tidy, clean space will be better for your mind and body. Who needs that instant ‘to do’ list building in your mind as you walk through the door? 

Get outside. 

Get grounded by putting your feet to the earth as soon as possible. This will expose your body to the natural magnetic frequencies that are released by the earth and basically combat all the positive electrons in your body. Sound too wacky? Have a read of this. I read a lot of positive accounts of frequent flyers indulging in some outdoor bare foot yoga once they arrive at their final destination. Even if I decide I don’t want bare toes on some cold, crunchy grass I will make an effort to get outside as soon as possible. This way I can remind myself of how beautiful the UK actually is (Something I can forget when I’m back from Oz) but also let every cell in my body understand where I am.

x KB

Staying Active in the Winter: AKA no WinterFAIL for you, my friend.

If you’re reading this in the UK, I’m sure that you are highly aware of the seasonal change thanks to the clocks going back last week (If not, consider this an education as to why you kept being so early for everything). Yes, you gained a new hour in bed in the morning but that excitement may have wore off that first Monday evening as you travelled back from work in the dark. You know, just the same darkness you left your home in hours earlier. Our days are now shorter and it’s getting colder, leaving me to conclude that mother nature doesn’t give a crap about your or my summer fitness routine. It's all change here. 

Embracing the crap out of Winter (Thermals not visible)

So the question is: how in the hell are we supposed to keep up with this healthy living, active thing when our couches and beds have now morphed into alluring cocoons ready to pad our butts right through into spring? After a bit of research, talking to myself in the car and chatting with my mates, I give you my top ways to keep active when it’s so cold outside, your nipples might actually fall off...

Think differently: Yes, it’s cold, dark and probably raining. We can either get really pissed off about it and resign ourselves to couch duty until the clocks change back, or use it to motivate us to try something new. The cold, hard fact here is that exercise is good for our mental health and wellbeing. You’ve heard the reports, you’ve felt the benefits yourself. You know, even if it’s really deep down, it’s not a load of bollocks. So with this in our heads, we know that continuing with keeping active will help us to have a happier, more positive outlook regardless of the weather that lies outside our door. Revisit your goals and inspiration so you can embrace the new season with the same kind of tenacity that you found over the summer. 

Spend some quality time with your TV: Running is my thing. Running in the dark by myself, however, isn’t. Winter is a great time to pull out those dusty fitness DVDs or turn to the numerous YouTube fitness gurus. There’s a massive variety: Yoga, Pilates, HIIT, ballet, dance- you name it, it’s available whenever the time is best for you. It depends on how much room you have, your lifestyle and how many kids will be watching you trying to stand on your head at the time. And the added bonus of having someone yell at you to move from your TV is that you can chose to partake at a time that suits you.  

Become a Gym Bunny: If you’re really against the feeling of an ice block being pressed against your face as you go outside for your endorphin dose. Or you don’t have enough room in your humble abode to end your day to carry out a billions star jumps, then winter is the perfect time to nose about your local gym. Yes, I’m not denying that they can initially be scary places. But I will say to you what my Super Gym Bunny friend said to me: check your ego. The majority of people are there for themselves and are not paying attention to how long you’ve been on the running machine or how many reps you’ve done. Go there for you; they are. Stop looking for excuses and instead say ‘yes’ to new experiences, new social connections and a new shape of ass for the spring. 

Get over it and get outside: It’s really easy to get stuck indoors in the darker months. Just like it’s easy to forget what you look like without clothes on when you’re spending most cold nights in a onesie (No shame). You go from home to car to work to car to home again quickly forgetting what the outside world actually looks like. We don’t want this, so we need to change up our routines. Run on weekends if you can’t get home for the light. Play a winter sport if you think you look good in puffy pants. And if your looking for something that’s less high impact, have you thought about walking outdoors? It’s free, you don’t need any equipment and it’s available to almost everyone. Set yourself a goal to get outside every day and use that time to leave your phone at home, take stock of the subtle seasonal changes around you and be in the moment. Even better if you have a willing partner or children to come with you. Use that time to be together without iPhones, TVs or the to do list. Make it your time to connect and improve yours and your families wellbeing. Getting matching wellies is optional but think of the instagram possibilities! 

Do it to warm up: Let us not forget that increasing your heart rate will warm you up. Those who know me well are more than aware of my penny saving antics in my day to day life. A good friend of mine was in hysterics when I told her last year that I refused to put my heating on before December (A challenge that I failed in). Yes, when I got home sometimes I felt like staying outside was the more temperate option, but some of the positives of being such a cheapo was that being cold motivated me to move my body. Although I don’t recommend that you lot challenge yourself like I did with my heating, I do want to point out that on those evenings or mornings when you say to yourself “Bah heck, it’s bloody cold” remember that going out for a 20 min run, or doing a 20 minute HIIT routine will warm you up better than a hundred cuddling, fluffy, heated teddybears. 

We can do this, people. We can see this winter through and still keep active. It can be done, it’s only you who can make it happen. Let’s stick with each other through this!

x KB

The Holy Trinity of getting your change on…... AKA- the films that motivated me to take better care of myself

Let it be known that I grew up with healthy parents. Oh yes, I remember whining at them at the age of about 9 saying I was hungry and being told to have a handful of almonds. I, of course being the precocious little nine year old that I was, turned my nose up at that kind of suggestion. No, clearly hungry filler foods meant biscuits, crisps and sugary cereals. You know, all the stuff that my friends had at their house. Or better yet, the type of stuff my grandparents used to let me eat with free rein (Hundreds and thousands on white bread with butter…just think about that for a moment and Insta the face you pull). 

When I flew the coop, I instantly developed the classic University bloat. This Uni-Bloat is primarily caused by multiple jacket potato and cheese dinners, 'Pound a pint' events at your Student Union and the fact that one doesn't actually see a piece of fruit for their three year university experience. When I visited my family in Australia after my first year, they politely suggested a few changes to my diet. Things like avoiding white bread, cutting my drinking down, 'When was the last time you ate fruit?' and 'Oh my god, why are you so pale?' (This is a usual Aussie comment, tbh). I turned my nose up at their concern, taking it to heart before I took it to my brain. Having my defences up, like a lot of eighteen year olds would, I put it down to thinking they were health nutters who were just sticking their nose into my business. 

Fast forward into adulthood and I decided that I needed to change simply because I didn’t feel good. So I did the diets. I swore off chocolate for the longest of afternoons. I dabbled in yoga. I walked everywhere (Easy to do when you don't have a car or money for cabs…). But I wasn’t feeling or looking any different (Of course vanity was in there- what's wrong with a little vanity?!). What I needed to change was my diet, my routine and my mentality. I knew this, but nothing stuck. I needed a massive kick up the arse to make the change. 

I remember reading that a lot of people went vegetarian after watching the film 'Babe' (That'll do, Pig). I seem to remember experiencing the same phenomenon as a kid after watching 'The Little Mermaid' when I stopped eating fish for about a week (The kitchen scene…for real). But my real kick up the arse didn't actually come until two years ago when I came across the following frankly life changing films...

Hungry for Change also goes into the power of positive affirmations-
so simple, but so awesome!

1- Hungry for Change (2012). My older sister, a glowing Sydney-ite who lives the life, sat me down and made me watch this. Jaw. Floor. Veil. Lifted. It all became clear; why the hell hadn’t I thought of all this before? I'll confess that it is my bible doco. It instantly made sense to me, so it’s the one that I will naturally turn to first. If you look past the dramatic Hollywoodisms in the trailer (THIS SUMMER....SUGAR IS GOING TO F*** YOU UP) then it holds a lot of really good learning points to ponder about our relationship with food. The conclusions are alarming. But, in my opinion, it presents truths that were powerful enough for me to take note of. It was literally like a foot came out of that screen and roundhouse kicked me in the face.  

2-  Sugar: The Bitter Truth This is a 90 minute lecture that was put up on YouTube in July 2009 causing a huge stir across the interwebs. It's led by a guy called Robert H. Lustig who is an American paediatric endocrinologist (For those of you, like me, who glazed over that bit- is means that his area of expertise is human metabolism). The lecture highlights how sugar is a toxin and is the reason for the global obesity epidemic. He doesn’t scare you with talk of calories, instead he talks about the fact that he believes sugar to be a poison that he identifies as 'evil'.  He’s passionate, he’s a little cocky but, trust me, it's another one that packs a punch and is definitely one to watch. 

3- 101 reasons to go Vegan Okay, I only made it halfway through this and I'm also not vegan (I flirt, but more on that in later posts). But, this doco made me question again what I was putting into my body. In fact, since watching it I've been pescatarian (So I still eat fish, eggs, cheese, honey…they didn't get me there but maybe I need to watch the whole thing…). Warning: it is heavy stuff. It is graphic. Laugh at me all you want, but it made me cry. It may not have put me off eggs, but it made me reflect on where the meat I was consuming came from (Leather goods included here). So, if you’re looking to step away from eating animal related food products this is your poison. 

So there you have it: my Holy Trinity of motivational, kick up arse, life changing for the better films. I'd highly recommend viewing them if you're looking for reasons to make changes to your lifestyle. Let me know what you think of them. And if you have others to recommend back, please do!